I called a friend the other week.
This friend has walked this path I’m walking…adoption, change, testing, fear and insecurity…before me.
This was her advice.
“Learn to be OK with things not being OK.”
And she has modeled it beautifully.
I needed to hear that.
I needed to be reminded what success really is. Not everything being ok, but wading through the trenches that will lead us to security, trust and a forever together. My girls don’t need to be acting like everything is ok right now, because it isn’t. They are grieving, they are struggling to believe, and they are fighting against all the messages their brains want to tell them.
“I am not telling you that it is going to be easy, but that it will be worth it.”
My job is not to make it all go away…to run my hands over it until it’s smooth as silk. Instead, I need to be willing to walk them through the hard questions and feelings. I need to be willing to hurt a bit alongside them as I admit I cannot fix it all. The goal is not to attain perfection to someone else’s eye, but instead to meet my children’s needs.
“Things aren’t the same & that’s fine.”
I was looking too hard for a solution to make it all go away.
We still struggle to navigate the little ins and outs of each day and try to find ways to make this time easier. There are special scarves tucked around anxious faces, special stones in a backpack pocket, special songs, special baths, special crackers and special cuddle times. There are important phrases, important moments, important stories and important prayers. We read books, talk to people, ask for help and sometimes just make a giant mess of things.
But a huge relief sweeps over me when I remind myself…it’s ok for things not to be ok.
Every day I beg God for wisdom to know how to love my daughters in the way they need to be loved right now, and then the strength to do it.
“When it feels like everything is falling apart, God is usually putting it all back together.”
Right now I need to focus on what my kids need, not on how all their messy stuff is coming out. When there are tears, anger, overwhelming sadness, defiance or ridiculous insecurity…what is the real message?
“You can’t punish grief.”
I’d love to just breeze on by sometimes and pretend it’s just what it looks like…but we all know in reality things are rarely as they seem. Of course…the tricky part is still figuring out when those moments are that it is exactly what it seems!
The bottom line is…right now my 8 and 5 year old are struggling with BIG emotions that would challenge anyone, so much grace is needed both for them and for myself. It can be devastating to face my own failures when the stakes are so high. I want so much to do this well.
I stumbled across this verse and it made me smile.
“She is clothed in
without fear of the future.”
“Learn to be ok with things not being ok. Remember…every moment you pour into their lives now, is one moment closer to security.”
We will make it!
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
Go Team Freeman 🙂