I can’t believe I am actually sitting at home alone right now, while my daughters are down the street at school. It felt so strange to kiss them goodbye and leave the school this morning, knowing I wouldn’t see them again until 3:00 this afternoon.
As much as we were all looking forward to this day, last night as I prepared for today a wave of panic hit me. How could I leave them in someone else’s care for 6 hours every day?! I will no longer know all the little pieces that make up each of their days and be able to track their emotions, activities and habits. After spending nearly every waking minute with them for the past two and half months, it’s quite the switch.
The girls woke up excited and eager this morning, but by the time we hit the playground and watched the flood of kids fill the yard, I could see them starting to worry. Luckily parents are allowed inside on the first day, so I tried my best to distract them while we searched out the few kids we know. But when the bell rang, Akeisha immediately burst into tears and clung to me while Alexa’s blue eyes turned large and solemn. By the time I left half an hour later after getting them settled into their classrooms they were both fine. Alexa sat proudly with her peers, glowing with excitement. Akeisha was a little less confident, but had reacquired her excitement for school and with a few more hugs and kisses was ready to face the day on her own.
So I walked home. Alone. I wandered around knowing I should be busy but feeling a little distracted. The quiet is really nice, it really is. I think I’ll take a walk later…or a drive…some excuse to pass the school and hopefully see both the girls happily playing with their friends.
I’m excited about the routine.
I’m ready for the quiet.
But I’ll miss my girls.
This is a good thing. It feels nice to look forward to 3:00.
Out with the old, in with the new.
AF
Adoption, Mommyhood & the Rest 