School has just begun, and for many of you this means a return to familiar routines and schedules.
For some of you, this means overwhelmed, overstimulated kids who come home exhausted with piles of homework or daily notes scrawled by a frustrated teacher at the end of the day.
Educating our kids is both our responsibility and a gift we’ve been given. Many children all over the world are unable to attend school due to extreme poverty. If your children are able to attend school regularly or receive formal instruction, take a minute to contemplate that they are blessed! While education may be a “right” in our Western culture, make no mistake. Your children are privileged to have access to education and to learn important skills that will give them opportunities to sustain and provide for themselves as adults.
For a long time, parents were fed the lie that they were not equipped to be their children’s educators. They were not expected to be the ones to know their child best, have the skills needed to guide their future and certainly not to teach them.
However, a movement of ordinary moms and dads are rising up to show themselves as not only worthy but exceptionally equipped to be the best teachers for their children.
Not only do you, as a parent, know your child better than any teacher…you have skills, intuition, knowledge and invaluable life experience to share with your child.
Many parents do not want to take on the demands and responsibility of providing their children’s education, and this I understand very well. However, do not assume this means you have withdrawn the right to speak into your child’s educational experience.
While teachers have long been viewed as the experts and authority on children’s education, I believe many children suffer academically because parents have been detached from their children’s educational experience.
Parents and teachers both have expertise, knowledge and insight that are important to a child’s education.
The beauty of a school environment is that it gives opportunity for both the specialized training of a professional educator and the intuition and practical insight of parents to combine for the benefit of the child.
So how do you work alongside professional educators to combine their expertise with your intuition?
1. The first rule is to give respect and then expect it in return.
Your child’s teachers spends hours pouring over lesson plans, academic research, curriculum expectations and learning strategies. By placing your child under their supervision you are giving them the responsibility to educate your child in the best way they know how. They have specific training and knowledge that will be very valuable to both you and your child, but you need to take the time to listen respectfully to their professional opinions and follow the procedures put in place. Nothing positive will be accomplished by bullying or criticizing.
However, I would also say that it’s important to require that respect in return. If there is something you know about your child that is not being taken into consideration, you need to make that clear. Don’t ever underestimate your insight as a parent. You know your child best and what may sound great in theory may not work practically for your child. Don’t allow a professional educator to intimidate you. A good educator will know this and ask for your input. Every relationship needs boundary lines, and this one is no exception.
2. Never undermine your child’s teacher in front of them.
Every parent knows the feeling of their child coming home with a story about their teacher that makes you wonder what they were thinking…but I cannot stress enough…be the adult and don’t say it out loud! There is a very high chance your child’s version of the story is not accurate or is missing some pertinent information. If you have concerns, by all means contact the teacher, but don’t allow your child to hear you speaking disrespectfully about the adult they are supposed to respect. They will carry that comment to school with them in their mind every day and it will lead to them finding it very difficult to respect that teacher. Always try to help your child see what the teacher’s perspective might be and remind them that their job is to be respectful and polite, even when differences arise. Teaching our kids the skill of disagreeing respectfully with someone is a valuable life skill, so if there is an issue that needs addressing, walk through the steps of resolving that issue with both dignity and respect.
If you begin to see problems arising with your child academically, socially or behaviourally or you are concerned about some aspect of the curriculum or classroom procedures…speak up.
Contact your child’s teacher and request a meeting where you can express your concerns and ask questions.
Use the teacher, not your child, as your first source of information.
Listen respectfully and make sure you’ve taken the time to get accurate information and can express your concerns clearly.
Make sure you know how your child’s teacher prefers to communicate, whether it be through text, email, a daily agenda or in person.
Most problems at school between parents and teachers arise from miscommunication or lack of communication.
Let your child’s teacher know that you want to be involved and ask questions regularly, as they will likely forget at the end of their busy days to fill you in on things you might want to know.
4. Give grace.
Your child’s teachers are not perfect. They are flawed humans, similar to your child’s parents 😉
They will make mistakes.
Give them some grace and remind yourself, and your kids, that you will probably need it in return at some point!
You will never regret establishing healthy, respectful relationships with your child’s educators.
5. Do not assume your child’s teacher knows your child as well as you do.
I am speaking particularly to parents of children with learning disabilities, behavioural challenges and social struggles on this one.
While your child’s exceptionalities may seem obvious to you, don’t expect your child’s teacher to understand why your child may behave or react the way they do. You have a context for this child’s experiences that is helpful in decoding their struggles or successes. Don’t be afraid to share this information with your child’s teacher as needed. If your child has a formal diagnoses of some kind, make sure your child’s teacher knows this and is given a brief but clear summary of the best ways to navigate those extra layers successfully.
I have found it helpful to create a personal learning profile for one of my children in particular outlining her ideal learning environment and style, what her needs are and what aspects are challenging for her. I give this to my child’s teacher as early in the year as possible and let them know to contact me if they have any questions or concerns.
Don’t forget to include any information that may seem “obvious” or has been discussed multiple times with other teachers or professionals within the school. It is very easy for information to get misplaced or lost in the transition from year to year. Assume your child’s teacher knows nothing about your child and go from there.
6. Lastly but most importantly pray for your child’s teacher.
Teachers are important and play a large role in our children’s lives. Their jobs are not easy and the system they are working within places high demands on their time and energy. Many teachers feel overwhelmed and unappreciated by their students, fellow staff and parents. Make sure your child’s teacher this year knows that you see what they are doing and that you are grateful for the time they spend helping your child learn and grow! Pray for wisdom, patience, energy and creativity. Pray for their hearts to be drawn toward Christ. Pray for opportunities to serve them and let them know you are grateful for them.
It is beautiful to be able to partner with others to educate your children. You will be amazed watching your child learn and grow, and having others to celebrate those milestones with makes it even sweeter.
I hope this school year is the best yet for you and your children!